Category Archives: realization

From ignorance to light

Life throws up surprises every now and then. Like you are doing good in your job and suddenly the business shuts shop. Or you are a businessman but you suffer multiple losses. Life can be so unpredictable. Like you are happy, you have finished with your responsibilities and you want to relax and suddenly you discover that you have a lump which is not just a lump.

No, this is not about me.

When I read blogs I often feel it unrealistic. We write about the urban upper class but what about the towns and the villages. Isn’t there a story there.

What about common life, why has it become so uncommon?Quotefancy-1520040-3840x2160

As I said earlier there is so much to write about in the mundane.

I think about life, the ordinary struggles and the shocks and the surprises we keep getting now and then and I want to unravel the mystery.

I know a lady who has raised her two children singlehandedly. her husband is somewhere. I do not know whether her husband was an alcoholic or abusive or both. I never asked. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore than what she was already hurting. But heard that her husband used to come now and then demand money, take and leave.Until one day her son now grown up and earning, threw him out and threatened him.

Out of curiosity I had asked her son once, why your mother tolerates him. He just replied mother can never refuse beggars.

And then it hit me. She was not tolerating him, neither was she doing it as a sense of responsibility. She was doing it as a duty. the duty of a human not a wife; of helping those who are needy. was she right, was she wrong? I am not going to judge her but I realised that every scene has so many angles.

Life when it wants just to show some angles, it throws some surprises. And then the Lord, the witness watches how we deal with it. I look back at my journey from March 31st 2004 and see how I have evolved and with all humility I bow down and hope that I have evolved well. It was that day I discovered that I had pituitary adenoma which subsequently lead me to partial darkness and the knowledge that I have to be on support of external hormones but it has led me to an absolutely delightful journey of self discovery. A discovery which earlier I may not have embarked upon earlier. Have I been good or have I been bad, I will not judge but the fact is that today I am grateful that I had the chance to see so many ups and downs to discover myself.

Someone very dear is going through the same trials. I just hope that she too takes this opportunity to discover self.

The shloka in my mind:

tesam evanukampartham aham ajnana-jam tamah
nasayamy atma-bhava-stho jnana-dipena bhasvata
Out of compassion for them, I, dwelling in their hearts, destroy with the shining lamp of knowledge the darkness born of ignorance. (BG 10.11)







Filed under free writing, Lessons, personal, realization

My friend

As I shed tears, the better half asked,’ Do you want to please Krishna, yourself or the others?’ I stopped myself and thought hard.

this is not something new. Call me emotional or call me sensitive but I get hurt easily. Any relationship/friendship I put my 100% and then when I don’t see the same reciprocation, I get hurt.

Apart from the fact that I am a straight forward person, the other problem is that I get attached and the normal course when you get attached is that you start expecting. Now attachment with Expectation is a lethal combination. And try as I might,it is impossible for me at least at this juncture to remain unattached.

Now you may wonder why this  rant. Well as it always happens I try to do the maximum for the family and friends but when I see them backbiting or let us say when things do not go as per my expectation I get upset. And as usual the tears flow

Being able to cry anywhere is a strength.  Not a weakness.  I'm not scared of feeling my emotions. I don't feel the need to hide and bottle them up. I AM a strong woman BECAUSE I cry.


But then the husband said, ‘who are you trying to please?’ And that made me think. It made me think of this shloka.

gatir bharta prabhuh saksi
nivasah saranam suhrt
prabhavah pralayah sthanam
nidhanam bijam avyayam
I am the goal, the sustainer, the master, the witness, the abode, the refuge and the most dear friend. I am the creation and the annihilation, the basis of everything, the resting place and the eternal seed.(BG 9.18)

I always get a lot of strength from this shloka. Over a period of time  I have realised there is nobody that is truly yours. In numerous instances you will find that your parents,your siblings, your spouse, your children and your friends all have different agendas. Though they may be with you theoretically, they are not really yours. The only person who is truly with you, with your ups and downs, being your witness, and giving you strength is the Parmatma. He guides you too that is if you are ready to listen. As soon as I this realisation came, I felt peaceful, the tears dried and I was ready to face the world again.



Filed under free writing, realization, Uncategorized


adorable-baby-born-2133He stood at the door waiting. But then it was not new….waiting that is. For a long time He had been waiting. Waiting that His child would come back.

He remembered all those happy times when He and His child had had fun. Those times when they had gone to pluck some fruits or the time when they had gone to play….happy memories. The happiest moments were when the child had slept on His lap or at the crook of His arm. The child had slept so peacefully without a care knowing that the Father would take care.What had happened then why had the child turned his back to Him, why had he gone away. Tired standing so long, he rubbed His feet and sighed.Today too His child would not come back. He sighed and went inside. Another day gone. When will the child come to her senses.

pitaham asya jagato mata dhata pitamahah
vedyam pavitram omkara rk sama yajur eva ca
Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita  (Chapter 9, shlokan17) I am the father of this universe, the mother, the support, and the grand sire. I am the object of knowledge, the purifier and the syllable om. I am also the Rk, the Sama, and the Yajur [Vedas].
Again in the fourteen chapter shloka 4 he declares
sarva-yonisu kaunteya murtayah sambhavanti yah
tasam brahma mahad yonir aham bija-pradah pita
It should be understood that all species of life, O son of Kunti, are made possible by birth in this material nature, and that I am the seed-giving father.
Such a magnanimous father He is that when we want to enjoy alone without Him, he creates material worlds and sends us across. He adorns this new world with whatever we could need but He himself stays back waiting for us at the doorsteps of His abode waiting. We seemingly enjoy in the travails and angst of this world and births later understand that the joy with the eternal father was much more than what we are enjoying here and then begin the quest back.
Meanwhile He has been waiting, waiting for ages for his child to return home. And when the child does return, oh what joy, what fun.
I often wonder how will itbe when I return? Will I cry out in joy, will I hug Him tight but then I worry When will the time come when I do return home?
Linking it to the Write Tribe Festival of words #writebravely
This time have decided to use the picture prompt as well as at least one shloka per day. Join me people in this yatra.


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Understanding marriages-1

I have been a person who has rarely bothered with looks. As a child or a teen my only visit to the saloon has been to get a haircut, that’s it. Later after repeated failures in job interviews it suddenly dawned on me that I had to be presentable. It is only then that I started visiting a saloon regularly and started using a lipstick and kajal.  My wardrobe has also been simple. Basic clothes which are simple and comfortable. No,I do not mean to demean anybody who loves to dress up. The purpose of the prologue is to show my own follies. My wedding was the first (and the last time)time I went in for a facial. But otherwise there was barely any makeup. I was fortunate enough that my better half shared my views and endorsed my simple living.

Why these thoughts you may ask?

The past  few months I have visited many weddings of our own community and the show and the pomp has dazzled me to say the least. There has been a gross ‘bollywood’isation of weddings. Now weddings are a five-day ritual. One day is for ‘mehendi’, the next is for sangeet, the third day is the ‘phool muddi’ grossly translated to flowers and ring. Actually it is the welcome of the grooms party and introductions. Fourth day is the actual wedding and the fifth day the grooms family may have a satyanarayana vrata at their home if they so wish. And while the sangeet and the mehendi  are elaborate the actual wedding rituals are rushed.

I understand the need for mehendi. My community does not have a ritual of mehendi but now it is common. I endorse it. If the bride wants to have it, why not. My real objection is not to have a show of it. Is it really necessary to have a hall booked for it and the accompanying decorations, the dress etc. Same goes for the sangeet. The arrangements, the coordinated costumes, the choreography….is it all needed? So much of pomp and so much of valuable resources wasted. My nephew says it is the ‘insta’ culture. Your friends have done it and so do you. But what about those who want to do it but can’t afford to? Either they or their parents take up a loan or blow off their life savings. Which makes me come back to my original question, ‘Is so much of pomp needed?’ Which also makes me wonder where are we actually heading. It also lead me to read a little about what actually is a grhasta ashram. What is the need of marriage and is there any real significance of wedding rituals.

Firstly we are spirit souls. This body is an outer covering given to us for God realisation.

The soul does not have a gender, This body has. Those who had less God consciousness got the body of a female. For God realisation we must have the mood of rendering service. The females have more propensity of servitorship hence the body of a female to those less inclined to bhakti. It DOES NOT mean that the males are superior. Each has its own set of duties/ dharma for God realisation.

Each has freedom to dress up as they wish to. By dressing up I mean the use of make up. Make up has been in used right from the olden days. Only difference being that the ingredients of make up were home-made and natural as compared the chemical ones in vogue now. Provided that their inclination does not lead them away from the purpose of life which is God realisation.

Each house had its own gym. Yes, you heard it right. By the time you milked the cows,ground your grains or ground your masalas, you would have had your required amount of cardios. And of course you walked everywhere you wanted. So there was no real need of physical training.

Yes, there used to be sangeet. The sangeet was more of bhakti based dance. When you used to dance to kirtan in gay abandon and not to some choreographer’s instructions.

The purpose of a man and a woman coming together is not just to procreate but to serve. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, the grhastas have to serve the brahmacaris, and the vanprastis .

More in the coming weeks………

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are  my own and do not  mean to offend anyone.


Filed under realization, Slices of life

Time to be thankful

Days have not been good, eh? The devastating floods and then we hear about the shootouts. One natural and one man made…or is it?

When I look around here that is Bahrain I wonder, when will nature demand its place. For every where I see mass construction, filling up of sea, creating artificial islands. Why are we trying to become God? When the creator created the world with 75% water. He must have had his reasons. Who are we to tamper with it?

You may say that the flooding of Chennai is due to poor planning. The drainage system has not been upgraded, the lakes have shrunk and in some cases disappeared altogether; my question remains who are we to tamper with nature?

There is a beautiful shloka:

bhoktaram yajna-tapasam
suhrdam sarva-bhutanam
jnatva mam santim rcchati (BG 5.29)
The sages, knowing Me as the ultimate purpose of all sacrifices and austerities, the Supreme Lord of all planets and demigods and the benefactor and well-wisher of all living entities, attain peace from the pangs of material miseries.
The entire world belongs to the Lord. We are those who live here till the time we are good enough to go back to the spiritual world. Then why do we try to horde things or lord over mundane objects.
Many of us have multiple houses while many more spend their whole loves just for a place which can shelter them. Some have wardrobes full of clothes  and some can’t afford a single new pair.
If all of us could be satisfied with the essentials, there is enough for everyone. Nature actually produces enough for everyone. But then some decide to horde and some cannot afford.
Many stories are heard about how Hindus helped Muslims, how people opened their homes, it would be good if we thought of nature too sometimes and how we are abusing it.
And let us all remember that nothing is really ours and be thankful for whatever is given to us.



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Isha Vasyam

I was rearranging my wardrobe when I chuckled to myself. The reason being that only the previous night I had remarked to the better half that I just had to go for shopping as I had nothing to wear. And here I was struggling to bring orderliness to a bulging wardrobe.

Urmila Mataji (Dr.Edith Best), an academician, a teacher; a person whom I admire very much once said in one of her discourses that we all have something more than what we require. So true!! Three simple meals a day, two pair of clothes for outdoor wear and two for indoors, a pair of shoes are enough. But then do we stop there.

And there are abundances in plenty. One lady owned 3000 pair of shoes. A CM trebled her assets in four years. Some have villas all over the world and then there are some who don’t even have a square meal a day.Talk of extremes………

The Isopanishad says

īśāvāsyam idam sarvaṁ
yat kiñca jagatyāṁ jagat
tena tyaktena bhuñjīthā
mā gṛdhaḥ kasya svid dhanam

Everything animate or inanimate that is within the universe is controlled and owned by the Lord. One should therefore accept only those things necessary for himself, which are set aside as his quota, and one should not accept other things, knowing well to whom they belong.
Such a sweet verse isn’t it? Whatever exists in this universe belongs to the Lord. It is something like this….When we visit someone and stay with them, we use whatever we need not whatever we fancy. Like for example we will eat with them, use their space but we will not wear their clothes because….it is not ours. Similarly when we take birth our duty is to use only those things which we need for sustenance. Everything belongs to everybody.
Picture a father who brings a dozen mangoes for three of his children. So ideally each child should get four mangoes. But what happens if one child eats all the mangoes? Imbalance right?
Same thing is happening to the world right now. A few powerful men are tring to gather everything for themselves forgetting that everything is for everyone and not just for them alone.
The doubt may come that how can I survive with just the basics? Just like parents look after all the needs of the children, simlarly the Supreme Lord sees to it that we get whatever we need, Simple, isn’t it?


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He takes care


I read this quote yesterday and it filled me up with joy. Each day is such a miracle isn’t it. We are almost in a ‘death’ like situation when we sleep at night and we awake to sunshine. I live in a place which is a modern miracle. I mean looking at the hi tech buildings here who can imagine that once upon a time it was a desert and camels moved about freely. Yes it is a man-made place but who gave the intelligence to create this wonder

I see my boy who once meowed like a kitten and today is an independent boy. How did that transformation come about?

The trees which flower, the trees which give fruits, how do they do so?

The soul which moves my body. From where did it come?

And sometimes when I look at myself and wonder……

Very few people who are around me know that I am visually impaired. I am not blind but I have restricted vision. I move about, I am independent. Many ask me why I don’t drive because I want to do so many things and it is better to be mobile. I just smile and say that I will never get a license.

I remember going to a ophthalmologist because I was having recurring headaches. He was mortified after checking me and in fact I had to counsel him. Vision only in the upper quadrants of the right eye and in upper right quadrant in the left is not a bright proposition is it?

Many of my friends have started wearing spectacles and the other day I was wondering what I will do when my vision deteriorates for wearing specs is not an option for me at all. In fact specs are more of a hindrance because my right eye looks at extreme lefts and my left my extreme rights. And it made me very upset. The future for people like me can be quite daunting. But then I remembered this

Mukam karoti vacalam

Pangum langhayte girim

yat-krpa tam aham vande

parmananda madhavam

The Supreme Personality of Godhead-Madhava has the form of sac-cid-anandavigraha — transcendental bliss, knowledge and eternity. I offer my respectful obeisances unto Him, who turns the dumb into eloquent speakers and enables the lame to cross mountains. Such is the mercy of the Lord. (Caitanya Caritamrita Madhya 17.80)

And I became sober again.

He puts the soul in the womb. He gives consciousness, He makes us walk, He gives intelligence, He guides us, He supports us, Why then I have to worry. He has taken care of me for so long, he will look after me in the future too.

I may have lost my vision but what is more important is that I don’t lose my ‘vision’.

That the Lord is my savior and me his faithful follower. …..

Rest He will take care.


Filed under personal, realization