Category Archives: personal

Quote Challenge: Day 1 of 3

I have been facing a mental block and was at a loss as to what to post. It is at that moment that I saw a post by the lovely Swaram about quotes and whats more she had tagged me too. Talk about divine providence ūüôā Now what is this Quote challenge…..

1. Post one of your favorite quotes (different quote on each day) on three consecutive days. The quote can be from your favorite book, author, or your own.

2. Nominate 3 bloggers to challenge them.

3. Thank the blogger, who nominated you.

Thank you Swaram. You have been an inspiration always and today you have inspired me to write a post. ūüôā Thank you. I nominate Jairam of Mahabore fame, Partha Sir of Reflections (who hasn’t read his stories at random thoughts) and Deboshree of Paneer, Pulao and Pune. ( She has a very unique style and I want to see what she does out of this series. Today I quote Jayapataka Swami Maharaj, my Spiritual Master Receiving the desired things

Krishna does many things, if you want something constructive and something useful he will give it to you but then he will also see whether you are ready for it . So it takes time sometimes to get the blessings of Krishna, it doesn’t come when we want it, they come when we are ready for it.

I remember asking different people about why I was failing in whatever I was doing in the worst phase of my life. Today I look back and laugh. I have understood two things in my endeavor over the years: What I desired was not right for me and I was not ready for whatever was right for me Simple isn’t it?

Day 2 here



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He takes care


I read this quote yesterday and it filled me up with joy. Each day is such a miracle isn’t it. We are almost in a ‘death’ like situation when we sleep at night and we awake to sunshine. I live in a place which is a modern miracle. I mean looking at the hi tech buildings here who can imagine that once upon a time it was a desert and camels moved about freely. Yes it is a man-made place but who gave the intelligence to create this wonder

I see my boy who once meowed like a kitten and today is an independent boy. How did that transformation come about?

The trees which flower, the trees which give fruits, how do they do so?

The soul which moves my body. From where did it come?

And sometimes when I look at myself and wonder……

Very few people who are around me know that I am visually impaired. I am not blind but I have restricted vision. I move about, I am independent. Many ask me why I don’t drive because I want to do so many things and it is better to be mobile. I just smile and say that I will never get a license.

I remember going to a ophthalmologist because I was having recurring headaches. He was mortified after checking me and in fact I had to counsel him. Vision only in the upper quadrants of the right eye and in upper right quadrant in the left is not a bright proposition is it?

Many of my friends have started wearing spectacles and the other day I was wondering what I will do when my vision deteriorates for wearing specs is not an option for me at all. In fact specs are more of a hindrance because my right eye looks at extreme lefts and my left my extreme rights. And it made me very upset. The future for people like me can be quite daunting. But then I remembered this

Mukam karoti vacalam

Pangum langhayte girim

yat-krpa tam aham vande

parmananda madhavam

The Supreme Personality of Godhead-Madhava has the form of sac-cid-anandavigraha — transcendental bliss, knowledge and eternity. I offer my respectful obeisances unto Him, who turns the dumb into eloquent speakers and enables the lame to cross mountains. Such is the mercy of the Lord. (Caitanya Caritamrita Madhya 17.80)

And I became sober again.

He puts the soul in the womb. He gives consciousness, He makes us walk, He gives intelligence, He guides us, He supports us, Why then I have to worry. He has taken care of me for so long, he will look after me in the future too.

I may have lost my vision but what is more important is that I don’t lose my ‘vision’.

That the Lord is my savior and me his faithful follower. …..

Rest He will take care.


Filed under personal, realization

Distractions ……and me

At a time when there are so many distractions, it is difficult to stay in track. I see many students- bright eager to learn and yet getting lost in facebook and instagram and what not. Same with people like me. There is so much to read, so much can be done and yet….. The Television beckons. Sleep engulfs. Social media calls. Laziness drowns. That is the nature of maya who is ever ready to pull us into a bottomless pit. Bottomless yes. Because enjoyments, pleasures of this world neither have a start or an end. Neither do they really give an everlasting happiness. Have you recently bought a mobile, a TV or a laptop. You buy the latest and within a few days you come to know that what you have bought is now outdated. Something new has come up. Same with the pleasures of this world. They give instant pleasure and almost immediately pain. Pain because within moments the pleasure vanishes. Everything is momentary here; for a short time.

mam upetya punar janma duhkhalayam asasvatam napnuvanti mahatmanah samsiddhim paramam gatah


After attaining Me, the great souls, who are yogis in devotion, never return to this temporary world, which is full of miseries, because they have attained the highest perfection. As you see in this shloka (Bhagvad Gita ¬†Chapter 8 Shloka 15) Krishna says this world is full of miseries. You may think miseries?? I have the best of everything, then how is this world miserable. Reason is this world can just ive temporary happiness. Your new mobile, your new home gives you happiness for a short time till the time something else catches your fancy. ¬†But the thing is you never know what the next moment holds. One may have an accident, become bankrupt or even die. Of course you may win a contract or may get a promotion but then everything comes at a price. It may just mean new responsibilities, new tensions. But then I digress. Sometimes even after having the knowledge, maya beckons, mind succumbs and this body slips into sleep; forgetting everything. So, …….I have miles to go before I sleep…..And yet I sleep


Filed under free writing, personal

The inevitable truth

A cousin’s wife expired yesterday and it devastated me. A young woman having a boy just seven years old….left her body. Isn’t it sad? All I want now is to run and hug that boy. Has he understood what has happened. Does he know his mother is never going to return. Who will he tell his secrets to? Whose hands will he search when he is afraid? These and many other questions rank my mind.

When Arjuna says that he cannot kill his cousins, his guru and his pitamah. Krishna explains about the eternality of the soul. How the body is just like a garment which is discarded when it is not fit to be used anymore.

dehino ‘smin yatha dehe
kaumaram yauvanam jara
tatha dehantara-praptir
dhiras tatra na muhyati(B.G. 2.13)

As the embodied soul continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death. A self-realized soul is not bewildered by such a change.

I may have quoted this text tens of times and yet I am unable to accept that death is an integral part of life. The soul which gave consciousness to the body has passed away to a better place. And left behind a devastated family.

Last year when my father was diagnosed with a fatal illness. I had cried for days together. Even now when the phone rings at odd hours, I am frightened. What if it harbours bad news. It is as if I have become paranoid.

Attachments are so difficult…….

And yet the Bhagavad Gita says do your work without any attachments. And I get confused. Why am I still attached so much to the body. Why does the environment and the people around affect me so much. Yes I am better off now, I have some knowledge and yet death affects me.

I chastise myself….how can I be so sensitive. But then some time back I had heard a lecture. It was said that the purpose of spiritual knowledge is not to make the heart hard but to make it soft. A heart which can feel everyone’s pain. A vaishnav is para dukha dukhi. Usually we humans have the tendency to be happy at the others expense but not a vaishnav. A vaishnav¬†rejoices with other’s joys and becomes sad with the other’s sadness.

So have I become a vaishnav, has my heart become soft, have I understood Bhagvad Gita properly….I still do not know. I just know a boy has become motherless and I weep for him.



Filed under personal

Strive on

Have you ever experienced failure? In your workplace or in your school/ college, have you experienced someone holding you back, not allowing you to move forward. Something akin to a slow-moving partner in a three-legged race? Maybe your boss didn’t allow you to make your own decisions or your friend saw to it that you don’t get a chance to present a paper.

Today I feel the same. No, nobody was a hindrance except me, myself.  Or rather this body of mine.

I was supposed to go to dress the deities¬†but I couldn’t. ¬†From few days I haven’t been well..the result of a dust storm which we had the last week. This morning when I got up I felt¬†so faint that it was just not possible to go.

Nothing in  this world is as distressful as not being able to go for seva. Because it is that one thing which gives unparalleled joy.

And I couldn’t go!!

Which made me realise how fallen I was. So much more purification I have to go across till the time comes for me to return to my father.

This body is the worst enemy and the best friend. Best when it aids seva. Worst when it doesn’t.

But then is it the fault of the body? No. It is my fault. Wanting to enjoy this material world, keeping on committing mistakes taking on birth again and again,  today I am at this state of a diseased body and an uncontrolled mind.

I lament today of wasted time and lost opportunities. But can one bring back the lost time?

The only hope is today. Do whatever I can to my best and hope to please the Lord.

The Bhagvatam describes Vaikuntha as Param Padam or a place which has no material miseries. And this place as ‘padam padam yad vipadam’. So this material world is a place where there is danger at every step. So true.

So strive I have to. To cross this ocean of distress whether the body is weak or not…strive I have to.



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Is it right….

to end one’s life?

I take care to post at least once in both of my blogs in a week. But this week it has been difficult. My mind has been restless.

We become agitated when we see our kith and kin suffer from pain whether physical or mental. We cry out when we see kids being sick. Death whether near ones or acquaintances affects us.¬† Accidental death, death by catastrophes, disease shake us up. But what when one decides to end one’s life. How do you feel?

I feel devastated.  The guilt that I could not in any way help a person is enormous.

Long long back when I was in Mysore one of the girls in hostel committed suicide. I was a fresher that year. And she was in final year. The reasons why she took that extreme step is still unknown to me. Most of the girls were worried whether her ghost will roam the corridors. I don’t blame them, we were all young and naive. But I remained sleepless thinking why she could not confide in any of us.¬† There were so¬† many of us, didn’t she think anyone suitable enough to confide?

But who am I to judge? And who know what goes on in the minds of anybody.

The mind can be your worst enemy or your greatest friend. Learn to harness it  and it can be your greatest boon, let it free and it becomes a curse

At one point or the other we all realize the futility of any relationship. Your friends, your family, your spouse maybe with you but they will not be always with you. I mean you change jobs, move houses or shift cities, friends distance and new friendships form. You may not be in consensus with your spouse all the time. Most of the relationships start with vigour ( even that with the partner), reach a plateau and then settle down to a cordial line. So don’t expect your friend to rush to your home when you shed a tear. But be happy that wherever she is she is there to listen to you. Speaking to someone sometimes is very therapeutic.

SO is a relationship in a marriage. Very often we think that our marriage will be the same as it was during our honeymoon. In 99% of the case, it will not be. It is not important that you always hold hands. What is important is that you are there for each other.

Patience, tolerance are virtues which are in the downswing  today. But then very often these are the qualities which ho;d a relation together.

Another quality which is on the rise is the ‘I, me and myself’. we are so much bothered with our feelings, our pride, our self-worth that we do not care that the other person too needs the same.

You may be thinking that I have digressed. But no. Recently I have seen two suicides. And these thoughts are off shoots of those observations.

Krishna in the eighteenth chapter 65 shloka says:

man-mana bhava mad-bhakto
mad-yaji mam namaskuru
mam evaisyasi satyam te
pratijane priyo ‘si me


Always think of Me and become My devotee. Worship Me and offer your homage unto Me. Thus you will come to Me without fail. I promise you this because you are My very dear friend.

The point which gives me a lot of solace is that ‘you are my very dear friend. Of course he is talking to Arjuna¬† but then ‘via’ Arjuna he is talking to all of us. So whether there is anyone for us or not. Krishna as Parmatma is always with us.

So technically we are not alone, never.

And then in the next shloka he goes on to say

sarva-dharman parityajya
mam ekam saranam vraja
aham tvam sarva-papebhyo
moksayisyami ma sucah


Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reaction. Do not fear.

We all make mistakes. After all we are humans. So instead of regretting one’s mistake and ending one’s life, it is better to know that Krishna is there for us. He is giving his assurance that do not fear,¬† He will deliver from sinful reactions provided you surrender.So the points to remember always are:

  • Krishna is a friend who is always with you
  • We all err it is not uncommon.
  • All relations have their ups and downs. Possessiveness will not fetch you anything

Being lonely, or regretting mistakes or thinking that your partner is not as loving as he was earlier are not reasons for suicide. In the Bhagavad Gita ,the Lord has said


anta-kale ca mam eva
smaran muktva kalevaram
yah prayati sa mad-bhavam
yati nasty atra samsayah


And whoever, at the time of death, quits his body, remembering Me alone, at once attains My nature. Of this there is no doubt.

As we see Krishna says that at the time of the death if anyone remembers him… means that when it is time for death. It does not say when you want to be dead. Each person has a prefixed time of death, when that moment arrives, one who thinks of HIM attains liberation.

No problem is so big that one has to end his/ her life.  Laugh a little, read a little, be with positive people, chant. Let the moment pass but do not end your life.





Filed under Lessons, personal