Category Archives: free writing

Longings of the soul

As a teenager I remember sitting with my friends in  the hostel room suddenly bursting into tears. This happened a couple of times. It was assumed that I was homesick. But now when I think back I understand that it was spiritual longing.

I was quite happy in the hostel. The company was good and yet I felt that I lacked something. That something was amiss. I was meant for something else. This feeling persisted even when I finished my professional course and after some time landed up with a job. Even the so called jobs which I landed up with failed to give the satisfaction that I was longing for. Its only after two decades that I realised that I was never made for a corporate job. And I have languished so much over my lack of ability to get a good job.

It is now that I realise that firstly I was not made for those jobs that is why I never was satisfied. Secondly My Lord saw to it that I come up to the devotional path because I  was never made for the other jobs. Today nothing gives me more peace and happiness than my preaching/teaching.

How did this transition happen? Was it gradual, was it sudden? It was gradual. To think of it, I didn’t have to struggle much to understand what I really wanted. After the initial hiccups, I just withdrew and let Him guide me along. So  just a five letter word helped me……F.A.I.T.H.

I just relied on him and He went on showing the way. If I had used that fundamental to guide me from the beginning, life would have been much simpler . I would have progressed much more on the devotional path. But then everything has a place and time.


There is a beautiful shloka from the Bhagbad Gita

nehabhikrama-naso ‘sti
pratyavayo na vidyate
sv-alpam apy asya dharmasya
trayate mahato bhayat
In this endeavor there is no loss or diminution, and a little advancement on this path can protect one from the most dangerous type of fear.(BG 2.4o)
In simple words whatever spiritual gains you make in this lifetime remains with you even if you keep on taking successive births. The material knowledge and wealth which you gather remains limited to one lifetime. You may be a surgeon but the skill of a surgeon will remain with you for that lifetime. and if you die and take rebirth and again want to be a surgeon, then you will have to undergo the same process all over again.
Whereas spiritual knowledge is never erased from our memory. It remains as it is. You keep upgrading your knowledge but it can never be ‘formatted’.
So when I used to get upset and cry maybe it was the souls need to get back to its actual self, to its true identity.
This shloka also talks about the most dangerous fear. Which is the most dangerous fear? The fear of death and then being botn again NOT as a human. But for one on the spiritual path, it is guaranteed that he/she will take a human form again. That is the reassurance being given here.
So after a lot of trial and tribulations and errors, I have finally found my path and the peace that it gives me is everlasting.


Filed under free writing, personal

Distractions ……and me

At a time when there are so many distractions, it is difficult to stay in track. I see many students- bright eager to learn and yet getting lost in facebook and instagram and what not. Same with people like me. There is so much to read, so much can be done and yet….. The Television beckons. Sleep engulfs. Social media calls. Laziness drowns. That is the nature of maya who is ever ready to pull us into a bottomless pit. Bottomless yes. Because enjoyments, pleasures of this world neither have a start or an end. Neither do they really give an everlasting happiness. Have you recently bought a mobile, a TV or a laptop. You buy the latest and within a few days you come to know that what you have bought is now outdated. Something new has come up. Same with the pleasures of this world. They give instant pleasure and almost immediately pain. Pain because within moments the pleasure vanishes. Everything is momentary here; for a short time.

mam upetya punar janma duhkhalayam asasvatam napnuvanti mahatmanah samsiddhim paramam gatah


After attaining Me, the great souls, who are yogis in devotion, never return to this temporary world, which is full of miseries, because they have attained the highest perfection. As you see in this shloka (Bhagvad Gita  Chapter 8 Shloka 15) Krishna says this world is full of miseries. You may think miseries?? I have the best of everything, then how is this world miserable. Reason is this world can just ive temporary happiness. Your new mobile, your new home gives you happiness for a short time till the time something else catches your fancy.  But the thing is you never know what the next moment holds. One may have an accident, become bankrupt or even die. Of course you may win a contract or may get a promotion but then everything comes at a price. It may just mean new responsibilities, new tensions. But then I digress. Sometimes even after having the knowledge, maya beckons, mind succumbs and this body slips into sleep; forgetting everything. So, …….I have miles to go before I sleep…..And yet I sleep


Filed under free writing, personal