As a teenager I remember sitting with my friends in the hostel room suddenly bursting into tears. This happened a couple of times. It was assumed that I was homesick. But now when I think back I understand that it was spiritual longing.
I was quite happy in the hostel. The company was good and yet I felt that I lacked something. That something was amiss. I was meant for something else. This feeling persisted even when I finished my professional course and after some time landed up with a job. Even the so called jobs which I landed up with failed to give the satisfaction that I was longing for. Its only after two decades that I realised that I was never made for a corporate job. And I have languished so much over my lack of ability to get a good job.
It is now that I realise that firstly I was not made for those jobs that is why I never was satisfied. Secondly My Lord saw to it that I come up to the devotional path because I was never made for the other jobs. Today nothing gives me more peace and happiness than my preaching/teaching.
How did this transition happen? Was it gradual, was it sudden? It was gradual. To think of it, I didn’t have to struggle much to understand what I really wanted. After the initial hiccups, I just withdrew and let Him guide me along. So just a five letter word helped me……F.A.I.T.H.
I just relied on him and He went on showing the way. If I had used that fundamental to guide me from the beginning, life would have been much simpler . I would have progressed much more on the devotional path. But then everything has a place and time.
There is a beautiful shloka from the Bhagbad Gita
pratyavayo na vidyate
sv-alpam apy asya dharmasya
trayate mahato bhayat