A cousin’s wife expired yesterday and it devastated me. A young woman having a boy just seven years old….left her body. Isn’t it sad? All I want now is to run and hug that boy. Has he understood what has happened. Does he know his mother is never going to return. Who will he tell his secrets to? Whose hands will he search when he is afraid? These and many other questions rank my mind.
When Arjuna says that he cannot kill his cousins, his guru and his pitamah. Krishna explains about the eternality of the soul. How the body is just like a garment which is discarded when it is not fit to be used anymore.
dehino ‘smin yatha dehe
kaumaram yauvanam jara
dhiras tatra na muhyati(B.G. 2.13)
As the embodied soul continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death. A self-realized soul is not bewildered by such a change.
I may have quoted this text tens of times and yet I am unable to accept that death is an integral part of life. The soul which gave consciousness to the body has passed away to a better place. And left behind a devastated family.
Last year when my father was diagnosed with a fatal illness. I had cried for days together. Even now when the phone rings at odd hours, I am frightened. What if it harbours bad news. It is as if I have become paranoid.
Attachments are so difficult…….
And yet the Bhagavad Gita says do your work without any attachments. And I get confused. Why am I still attached so much to the body. Why does the environment and the people around affect me so much. Yes I am better off now, I have some knowledge and yet death affects me.
I chastise myself….how can I be so sensitive. But then some time back I had heard a lecture. It was said that the purpose of spiritual knowledge is not to make the heart hard but to make it soft. A heart which can feel everyone’s pain. A vaishnav is para dukha dukhi. Usually we humans have the tendency to be happy at the others expense but not a vaishnav. A vaishnav rejoices with other’s joys and becomes sad with the other’s sadness.
So have I become a vaishnav, has my heart become soft, have I understood Bhagvad Gita properly….I still do not know. I just know a boy has become motherless and I weep for him.