Have you ever experienced failure? In your workplace or in your school/ college, have you experienced someone holding you back, not allowing you to move forward. Something akin to a slow-moving partner in a three-legged race? Maybe your boss didn’t allow you to make your own decisions or your friend saw to it that you don’t get a chance to present a paper.
Today I feel the same. No, nobody was a hindrance except me, myself. Or rather this body of mine.
I was supposed to go to dress the deities but I couldn’t. From few days I haven’t been well..the result of a dust storm which we had the last week. This morning when I got up I felt so faint that it was just not possible to go.
Nothing in this world is as distressful as not being able to go for seva. Because it is that one thing which gives unparalleled joy.
And I couldn’t go!!
Which made me realise how fallen I was. So much more purification I have to go across till the time comes for me to return to my father.
This body is the worst enemy and the best friend. Best when it aids seva. Worst when it doesn’t.
But then is it the fault of the body? No. It is my fault. Wanting to enjoy this material world, keeping on committing mistakes taking on birth again and again, today I am at this state of a diseased body and an uncontrolled mind.
I lament today of wasted time and lost opportunities. But can one bring back the lost time?
The only hope is today. Do whatever I can to my best and hope to please the Lord.
The Bhagvatam describes Vaikuntha as Param Padam or a place which has no material miseries. And this place as ‘padam padam yad vipadam’. So this material world is a place where there is danger at every step. So true.
So strive I have to. To cross this ocean of distress whether the body is weak or not…strive I have to.